Providing feedback to someone can be scary, but it is an underdeveloped skill that can help you elevate others, strengthen a team, and create a culture where you receive compelling advice in return.
Let’s start by looking at why giving feedback can be a daunting task. Often the concern is that the person receiving the feedback will be insulted by your observations, or that they will not agree with your perception. There is always a risk in that happening, but there are a couple of tools which can assist in delivering a well received message.
Of course, there is the well known sandwich method, whereby you begin by providing positive feedback, followed by some information on an area to improve, completed with more positive feedback. This is a helpful process which allows you to begin and end on a high note. Although there is merit to this, the drawback is that most people see through it and are waiting for the middle part where you provide criticism. Alternatively, sometimes it offers the person providing the feedback the opportunity to cave to nerves and skip the critical middle component and the person leaves without a true understanding of how they can improve. It can come across as practiced and insincere. I would not suggest solely relying on this method. However, as a general process, it is a great way to look at both positive and negative elements, and helps you prepare a well balanced conversation.
What I have learned is particularly effective is something I picked up at Toastmasters. As an aside, if you are interested in Toastmasters, feel free to leave a comment or private message me through the “contact us” page; i’d be happy to discuss my thoughts and provide some insight into the Toastmaster program.
At Toastmasters, there is the formal speech portion, followed by an evaluation of those speeches. The evaluation is conducted in writing by all attendees and given to the speaker after the meeting. There is also a verbal evaluation whereby one Toastmaster provides feedback in front of the group. The combination of the verbal and private written feedback is what makes this model helpful for the speakers.
What has been particularly effective for me when providing verbal evaluations, has been to lead with a comment that is true to the person; something about their character or stage presence. For instance, if I can sense someone has genuine enthusiasm, a way with words or if the content is moving, I start by offering a compliment that is true to their personality – especially if I can pinpoint something that comes across as genuine or that they are proud of.
Then I follow with a call to action. That call to action is where I provide feedback, but it is also in direct connection with that compliment. For instance, if the content of the speech is strong but they hid behind a podium, or were picking at their fingernails during the speech, I would say something like:
“I can tell that you put a lot of work into the content of this speech. It was compelling and it does not surprise me that you write in your spare time. Because of that, I want to see it! Step out from the podium. Use your hands to gesture, supporting your carefully crafted statements. Do your content justice by sharing it with us fully. I can’t wait to hear your stories in future speeches.”
Notice that there is no shying away from the problem. The issue is specifically called out. The key to delivering the criticism is that the feedback does not focus not on the issue itself (e.g./ you are picking at your fingernails), rather provides a solution (try to utilize hand gestures), all the while connecting the solution to a strength or something the person can be proud of (your content is compelling). Because you led with that strength, you already have given them part of the solution.
Solution in hand, the person receiving the feedback can use the highlighted strength to improve while still feeling motivated.
There are going to be times where feedback is received poorly, but that is not an excuse to shy away from an important conversation. A well crafted conversation that focuses on genuine strengths to address room for improvement is more likely to come across as an attempt to assist as opposed to criticize.
I would be interested in hearing about your feedback situations – the good and bad! Please feel free to reach out and share your methods and stories.
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