About 5 years ago, my grandfather died from Parkinsons. He was the best mentor I have ever had and his lessons are still with me today. I even have a little tattoo which reminds me of our conversations. He would have HATED it.
When I started applying for universities, he was pleased. When I told him I was going to enroll in Environmental Politics and study activism, he was not. Throughout my university career, I would call him every couple of weeks. Then I realized that it was easy to visit now that I was studying in the city. I would take the subway and a bus to get to his house. After he died, though many of the stories shared were interesting, there is one that was often repeated with variations from different people. Aunts, cousins and second cousins shared with me that whenever they came to visit him in the city, he would meet them at their train stop in order to escort them back to his home. I was surprised, and at first hurt. My grandfather never escorted me anywhere! He always let me show up on my own. I have come to realize that my grandfather never escorted me home, or to the answer. He let me walk through the methodical process and come to the conclusion on my own.
Lesson one of being a good mentor: don’t escort to the answer
By the end of my undergrad, we had become close. I ran everything by my grandfather first. He edited my resumes, my school applications, discussed the best RRSP allocations, where I would be living, and what interviews I had. What was so important for me in that mentorship relationship was his willingness to show up. He asked detailed questions and would hum and haw until all points of discussion were exhausted and we had gotten into all minutiae of detail. What made him such an effective mentor was that he was present, dedicated and tuned in. His ability to assist me in all of these projects was aided by his learning how to use the computer, email and Microsoft word at the age of 80. He never let learning new things get in his way.
Lesson two of being a good mentor : Show up and never stop learning
One of the many lessons I learned from him was to never stop asking questions. I would often find him in these engaging conversations with people from all walks of life. He was not shy in commending people for their hard work and overcoming challenges or asking people about their life stories and what they had learned. He was never concerned about asking that next question. A piece of advice from me to you… it is the question you don’t ask before acting that will get you into trouble.
My grandfather was tough and strict and lead the family with a strong guiding presence. When my uncle, his son, passed away it was crippling. So much so that soon after he was diagnosed with Parkinsons. The doctor recently suggested to me that she believed he had been managing to mask or ignore the symptoms until something emotional triggered a strong physical reaction. It was only at the end of his life that I saw his emotional side. Before that, I had witnessed his rational, logical methodology. Now, he was sharing life lessons contrary to how he grew up like, sometimes seeing a therapist is a good idea or, that sometimes crying is healthy and not a sign of weakness.
Lesson three to being a good mentor: Keep asking questions, and sometimes, change the path
Having a mentor is crucial for your own development. It allows you to learn from others and in turn, they from you. There is nothing like the wealth of experience, and if you have the opportunity to tap into that, I suggest that you do.
What makes a mentor great is that you can still learn from them even when they are gone. They give you the tools so that even when they are no longer with you, you can still build what you were always striving for.
Career Coaching & Resumes 